Commitment phobia is the rush of fear and panic that keeps a person from committing to a relationship or progressing to the next step in a relationship. If you begin to notice that your fears of commitment have become a phobia that is costing you happiness in your relationships, there are steps you can take. Follow these steps and you can stop your commitment phobia.
- Locate the source of your fear. The hardest step is often the first one. This is especially true when it comes to phobias. Before you can get beyond your phobia, you need to find out what is causing it. When it comes to commitment phobia the source is often exposure to unhappy relationships between parents and loved ones in your youth or a horrible break up of your own. Ask the questions. Are you afraid of love or of being left? Are you concerned you new partner will cheat? Or that you will be the adulterer? Get to the source.
- Check in with your expectations. You may not be afraid of commitment as much as you are picky. It's possible that fear isn't preventing you from taking the next step with a man in your life. Instead you might subconsciously be looking for a more ideal partner. Or you may have idealized your future life partner and your phobia is just a reaction to the differences between your ideal and the person you are with.
- Start small. You cannot jump from casual to committed in a single step. Start small with a commitment to a weekly Saturday night date for your next relationship. Then choose to see that one person exclusively. Take small steps until you area ready to move in or consider a longer commitment.
- Let him into your space. Typical commitment phobic people are protective of their space. Even if you are willing to commit to exclusivity you might not be up to sharing your space with a new partner. Pay attention to how you spend you time. Are you always at his place? Do you let him in your home but cringe at the thought of him staying the night? Start with a single evening then work up to a weekend at your home.
- Take a risk. The final step to getting over your commitment phobia is to just take the risk. It is scary and you will experience periods of stronger fear than others. You might even get hurt in the long run. The thing is, if you don't even try, then the answer is always no. You won't find happiness if you don't take the risk and try.
You can stop commitment phobia. If you are willing to take the steps and work toward a committed relationship then you can make it happen. You can get over your fears and start over if you are willing to try.