How To Tell if a Woman Has Had a Boob Job

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must answer its toughest questions:

Pepperoni or sausage?
Jack Daniels or Johnny Walker?
Batman or Superman? And perhaps most importantly...

REAL OR FAKE?

Want to increase your score? The tips below will help when eyeing a suspected set, be it at work, a party, or poolside. Plus, you’ll be able to speak intelligently about boobies… and what man would say no to that?

1. Size-mic shift. Most human beings are shaped proportionately, and women are no different. Check out her body frame – if she’s 5 feet tall and 90 pounds soaking wet, but with breasts so large that she’s perpetually doing an imitation of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, she’s rocking the enhancement.
2. Twin Peaks. Breasts are mostly fat, meaning there’s a 100% chance of one boob being bigger than the other. If the target of your inquiry is sporting two perfectly-shaped, perfectly-proportioned identical orbs, sleep well knowing they came with a price tag.
3. Hang time. Boobies, like everything else, are naturally drawn toward the Earth thanks to gravity, and should hang as such. Most are also positioned around armpit height. If a suspected set are higher on her chest than the armpit line, and sit at attention like a dog waiting for a treat, you’ve got a faker.
4. Bounce to this. Watch when the owner of these questionable mammary glands moves – if her “girls” jiggle or have natural bouncing motion with each step,

   then a higher power has blessed her naturally. If they don’t, she’s upgraded.

5. Mind the gap. Since most augmentation is done to increase size, a sure-fire way to tell if the boobs are synthetic is if there is an unnatural, flat gap between them. Larger, real boobies come with natural cleavage.
6. A nip in the air. She’ll need to be sans bra for this to work. Where do her nipples sit on her breasts? If they are centered on each, they’re probably real. But if either/or is slightly askew, a hacky Dr. 90210 has been at the scene of the crime and left physical evidence behind.

Now you can confidently claim to be a voice of authority on the timeless debate of real-versus-fake breasts. Combined with your expertise on the difference between silk and rayon, what makes a really good skipping rock, and being able to explain how salt is made, you can regale small gatherings of bored souls for minutes on end. (We’d like to tell you how to tell the difference between a real and fake boob by touch… but we wouldn’t want your head to explode.)