How To Tell Your Friend She's Dating a Loser

Use These Tips When Confronting Your Friend

You get the phone call. It's your friend rambling on about someone she met at the bar the night before. She is sure to not miss a single juicy detail about the evening or the person for whom she seems to have fallen within a few hours and a few drinks. Sometimes it can be dismissed as a one-night stand; other times, hours turn into days, then into weeks.

Finally, you meet this so-called Mr. Wonderful and you're left scratching your head and wondering, "What the hell does my friend see in this person?" He's rude, controlling, thoughtless - and sometimes, downright mean. Sometimes he has no ambition or goals; or maybe he's the kind of sleazeball who ends up draining her bank account. Let's face it: we've all been there. It's your job, as the good friend that you are, to let your friend know that she is dating a loser.

It's never easy to tell a friend something she doesn't want to hear, especially when it comes to significant others. What you're saying can come across as mean, jealous or even spiteful. Keep these tips in mind when confronting your loser-magnet friend:

  1. Be understanding. Start off this awkward conversation by letting your friend know you understand how much she cares for her boyfriend. This will show your friend that you aren't attacking her, and that you are taking her feelings into account. It also demonstrates that you understand this is a serious relationship and you don't take it lightly.
  2. Be understood. Along with letting your friend know that you understand her, try to help her understand you as well. Let her know you have something to tell her which is hard to say. It might be a good idea to let her know that you are only telling her this because you are her friend and want what's best for her. It may seem like a tired line - but if it weren't true, you wouldn't be reading this article.
  3. Bombs away! Drop the bomb. Now, I am by no means suggesting that you flat out tell your friend, "Hey! That guy you're dating is a total loser." While this type of statement will definitely get a reaction, it isn't the kind you're looking for. I would say something along the lines of, "I have some concerns about you dating 'X," and just wanted to make sure you're truly happy."
  4. Role reversal. Once you've dropped the bomb, try changing the roles a little bit. Explain to your friend how you see her significant other. Maybe you're concerned that he can't keep a steady job. Maybe you've noticed how she pays for everything for him, including rent and other bills. Or maybe you've caught him making rude comments to your friend. In any case, this will give you a chance to express your concerns. Your friend may even enlighten you on something you are overlooking. This is your time to tell your friend that she is dating a loser, but in much nicer terms.
  5. Offer suggestions. Now that you've come clean about how you feel toward that "special" person in your friend's life, hopefully her eyes are open. It's important to listen and discuss the topic at hand with your friend. Is this something that she would like to resolve with her partner or would she like to end the relationship? Either way, offer suggestions and let her know that she can trust you to be there for her, no matter which choice she makes.

It's never easy to give a friend dating advice that she doesn't want to hear - and no one wants to hear that she is dating a loser. Remember to keep an open mind, be understanding and try not to attack your friend's taste in men. Many people feel that they shouldn't butt in by telling their friends they are making bad choices, but you will be saving your friend a lot of heartache in the long run. And even if she's angry now, you know how the saying goes:, "You'll thank me for this one day."

 

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Comments

Dec
14

You are right; it is always difficult to talk to our friends when it is about her significant other. However, the steps you are mentioning are great, I think we always have to try to give some good advice because we care about that person and if we do not want to see her with a complete loser, we need to help to open her eyes.

By Alexandra Castillo