Affairs are a tricky thing. On one hand, the excitement of the extra marital affair can be thrilling and make you feel alive again. On the other hand, the guilt can become unbearable and eat you up.
If you’ve had an affair and want to come clean to your husband, there are ways to do it. It won’t minimize the pain you will cause him. Also, there’s no telling how your marriage will end as it will depend on both of you. Whether you decide you want to save your marriage or you want to move on and want to divorce, you need to come clean.
Here’s how to tell your husband you’ve had an affair.
- Decide what you want to happen after you tell him. Ideally, you should end the affair and tell your spouse so you can work on rebuilding your marriage immediately. However, if you are telling your spouse because you want a divorce so you can be with someone else, then it’s best to tell him right away rather than play it out for a long time. When you tell your spouse about the affair, you can tell him right away what you plan to do.
- Rehearse your lines carefully. Choose your words well. As the song goes, there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart. Remember to be honest.
- Choose a proper time and place to reveal your news. It’s best to do things in private, and away from the prying eyes of strangers and your children. If you have kids, wait until they are asleep or away from home. Make sure he is rested and you don’t do it on a special occasion such as a birthday or anniversary to break his heart. Don’t tell him as soon as he walks in the door. And never tell him when he’s drunk or had anything to drink. Never reveal the affair in front of anyone else.
- Be prepared for any reaction. He may certainly get angry. Some men react to the news with stoic silence while others break down. There’s even a possibility he may go into a rage and hurt you. If you are concerned about your physical well being, you may want to tell someone you absolutely trust about what you will do so that someone can check up on you after.
- Never blame him. Apologize sincerely for your infidelity but don’t explain it by saying that it’s because of whatever shortcomings your husband had. The affair is your choice regardless of whatever condition your marriage is in. Keep in mind that even if you and your husband have issues in the relationship, it never justifies having an affair.
- Be prepared to answer questions. He will want to ask the who, what, why and where and how of the affair. You don’t need to give the details because nothing you say will make this easier for him or lessen his pain and aggravation. You will need to be honest as to how long the affair has been going on and what you plan to do.
After you reveal your affair, expect the unexpected. The aftermath may be difficult, messy and highly emotional, but it is a consequence of your actions. Whether you choose to stay with your husband (and he chooses to work things out with you), or you decide to leave and move on, it’s best to tell him as soon as possible.