Marriage is a lot of work, and sometimes, even the best of couples may find themselves at a point when differences become irreconcilable. If you realize that you want to divorce your wife, here’s how to do it.
- Do exhaust all avenues of reconciliation first. Before you call your lawyer, make sure that you have done all you can to save the marriage rather than get the quick fix solution. Try marriage counseling with different counselors or your pastor or couple’s therapy first. Don’t turn to divorce at the first sign of conflict. Do some serious soul searching and meditation so that you know you came up with the decision from a place of clarity.
- Do wait until you are both calm. Never threaten divorce during a heated argument. It’s best to wait until you’ve thought about it for a long while and you are both calm. If you have children together, make sure they are not in the same room while you bring up divorce.
- Do be honest and clear. Tell her exactly why you want the divorce. Don’t assign blame solely to your spouse for the failure of the marriage. If you decide that you want to end your relationship because you had an affair and want to move on, tell her. Don’t be vague about wanting space or needing time away, just say “I want a divorce”. Don’t get into another argument as you tell her.
- Do tell her before you tell your lawyer or anyone else. Out of respect for your spouse, it’s best to talk to your wife first and not let her be the last to know. So don’t tell your family, friends and children before telling your wife.
- Don’t let the divorce papers do the talking. Tell your wife personally in a calm and private environment. No one wants to find out their marriage and life, as they know it is over from legal documents.
- Do address the financial issues, especially child care concerns upfront. If you have signed a pre-nuptial agreement, things should be clear cut. However, if you don’t and your wife is financially dependent on you, you want tell her that you are willing to pay alimony and child support. You don’t need to go into the gory details of the separation of property just yet or exactly how much you’ll be able to shell out in monthly alimony payments after the divorce. You’ll likely need the lawyers present to do that since things can get sticky.
- Do reiterate that you want to remain involved with the children. Tell her that even if you can’t remain married anymore, you still want to be an active parent in the children’s lives. Because of this, you will want to remain civil with each other.
Divorce is never easy on anyone, and telling your spouse that you want to end the marriage is the first step towards your new life. After your discussion, decide to tell the children together.