Have you started to feel constantly upset by your boyfriend's attitudes? Do you feel bored in your actual relationship? Have you had a recent disappointment? If your answers are yes, this is still not reason enough to consider changing your actual boyfriend for another one.
I always recommend listening to your heart very carefully. Your heart is the only one who, even when hurt, can tell you the truth. I am a strong believer of saving love as long as you can because you have invested your time, your strength, your heart and your mind into the relationship. However, if you are truly unhappy, it is better to say goodbye. Psychologists like Vladimir and Maria Mercedes de Gessen explain that ‘insecurity is the main reason why human being keep holding onto the already known, even if it means they are unhappy and their future is in danger.' But is this fair to you?
You have the right to go for what you dream about. Trying to find the partner that you dream of will bring a new spirit into your life and will make you realize that you deserve (and can have) whatever you want. If you feel it is time to move forward and look for what you really want in your life, please, do not be afraid to take a new risk, to meet more people, to find the man who makes you feel in love again. It can happen that after looking and looking, you will return to the same old boyfriend (if he still wants to return to you), but at least you will know with certitude that he is what you've always wanted. When you trade your old boyfriend for a new and improved one, understand that everything is a process; it will take some time and some effort, but it is possible. Here are some steps that can help:
- Be aware that we can always change our minds and adopt new ways of thinking. Adopting new ways of thinking won't happen overnight, for it is a long process. Maybe the actual relationship is what you were looking for in a determined moment and you really enjoyed it, but life, new circumstances and experiences make us evolve, grow and mature. We have the right to change our minds. If you are feeling sorry for your old boyfriend because maybe he won't understand this situation and you are afraid to hurt him, I ask you to think about the damage you are causing already by keeping him at your side and not giving you both the opportunity to look for happiness. You are fooling him and you are fooling yourself.
- Keep in mind that you always deserve something better. According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, the fact of looking for new partners is part of our evolutionary condition as human beings. (Just as most animal species are looking for the best male to construct our family, so are we.) Author Carlos Malo de Molina says that women complain of lack of communication, lack of romanticism and lack of sensuality in their relationships. On the other hand, men always look for more adventure, more emotion and more experimentation. Hey, we need to stop focusing on the shortcomings and start looking at the advantages of having our lives be our own. Women deserve something better.
- You can fall in love more than once. Helen Fisher's research has proven that falling in love is related to a chemical process which takes place in our brain, so who says that this process, being chemical, cannot be repeated over and over again? It is possible. Considering this, there is not only one love in your life. There are as many as you want but different kinds. Many years ago I knew a nice man who was a poet. Every time I saw him, he would tell me: "Oh, this time I have found real love in my life, but this time I mean it. I am madly in love. There is no one else like this girl." To be honest, I saw him 7 different times in 5 years and each time he told me the same phrase about the 7 girls whom he had a romantic love with. You don't need to stay attached to someone and be unhappy. Look for what you want and fall in love again.
- Make a list of good and bad attributes of your actual boyfriend. This will help you to identify those aspects you like and those you don't want from your next boyfriend. For example: ‘He is really attentive to my needs' or ‘He always prefers to go out with his friends and watch a soccer game instead of going out with me.' You can find balance in a relationship in order to accept and learn from your partner's personality, but there are some attributes that, depending on your character as a woman, you just cannot live with.
- Identify what you are looking for in a relationship. Being honest with yourself is the only way to achieve what you are looking for. A good friend of mine is part of the board directory of a very important company. She recognizes she doesn't have the time to spend in an intimate relationship. She just wants someone for her free time. Another friend of mine told me: "I am looking for a father for my kid" and another one said: "I want someone who takes me out of the business market (so she can stop working) and let's me enjoy his investment earnings." Even though those approaches are colder, that is what they want and it is fine for them.
- Talk to your actual boyfriend. Once you have followed the steps mentioned before, now you are ready to face reality with your boyfriend. Talk to him in an honest way and explain what is going on in your mind and your heart. It is you who is not happy and it is you who wants something else in your life. Please, never think it is the other one's fault. If you have suffered in your actual relationship, it is because you have allowed it, so don't ever blame your partner.
- Start your new life as 'available.' How does it feel to be single again? Maybe a little strange. Some of you will not like the word "available," but girls, you are free to look for the man you want now. Start to go out with your friends again, enjoy parties, dinners, lunches, events, the theater, etc. You just need to do all those activities you love and this time you will know what you want from your next boyfriend. You will start to learn to recognize in men's attitudes those that you like the most.
Why am I directing this article towards women? Because our role in society has led us to think that we must be the perfect model of wife, lover and mother for only one man, and that our main objective is to construct a strong family. It is correct that we must be strong to give the best to our children and the people we love, but we have the right to look for happiness as well. Men are already expected to do this. It is like a built-in right they have always had, and I am not criticizing or saying that it is not okay. Actually, every human being has the right to look for his or her own happiness, trying not to hurt feelings along the way and asking for forgiveness when they do. But remember that it is fine to keep moving forward and fighting for what you believe in. Never forget romanticism, which is what makes us dream, to feel those butterflies in our stomachs and to live life the best way we can. Never forget to be realistic. There is no perfection on earth, but you can love the life you have, hate it or change it. Are you ready to find your new and improved man?