I've heard nothing but complaints from my female friends this year about this coming Superbowl. It's blah blah Superbowl, blah blah the Patriots, blah blah the Giants, blah blah the Giant Patriots or WHATEVER! And all my friends are just trying to figure out ways of getting out of watching the damn game.
So this goes out to all those football widows out there. Because if you're on of those chickies who LOVES football and paints her face the colors of her football team, well then, la di friggin da to you, little Miss Perfect Woman. I bet you also have a flat head and turn into a pizza at midnight, too. This article isn't for you.
BUT...for the rest of us, who may have little or (let's be honest) NO interest in the game, Superbowl Sunday can be the biggest bore, or a total disconnect with that CREATURE we call a boyfriend/husband/Mr. Right Now...
So what do you do? Well, you have options, as always... You can take the easy way out. Go shopping with friends, whine about how he doesn't understand and do some retail therapy. Hey, when doesn't that work, right? But what's the payback? You miss out on an opportunity to get closer to each other. You're still rolling your eyes at him and his stupid pastime while he's wondering who's going to pay off your credit card bill...(gulp).
Or you can play submissive little wifey-poo hiding out in the kitchen, only to emerge occasionally to refill chips, salsa and beers for your man and his crew of screaming college buddies... Ooooooooooh, where do I sign up for THAT day of thrills? The payback? He's happy you helped out. But you're stuck doing the dishes and quite frankly, feeling a little left out and under-appreciated. It doesn't really make for the best mood to go and jump in the sack with him, does it?
OK. Ready for plan C? As in creating all-consuming combustible coitus??? (So, I like alliteration... DEAL WITH IT and listen up...) Imagine instead, you both having a great time, getting into the game because it holds the promise that you will BOTH have a great time, before, during and AFTER the game???
Oh? Your cute little ears perked up, did they? Yeah, I thought so.
See, the problem is, we can get into these same old habits, old ruts, where we only think in black and white. But I'm telling you, if you want to keep your sex life, and consequently, your RELATIONSHIP from getting stale, then you have to start looking at things in
a different light.
Variety is the spice of (your sex) life. You need to see each situation that pops up and ask yourself, is there an opportunity to make something out of this? And you can start Superbowl Sunday! You know the old saying, when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade? Well, same idea here, but it's when life hands you the Superbowl, you make SUPERSEX. The idea is you and your man are going to make little wagers on the game or things surrounding the game. And instead of betting with cash, your currency is each other.
OK, here are a few ways you can go:
- The panty pool. Have you ever seen those office pools they do for football games? It's a grid of boxes, with 0-9 going down and 0-9 going across. Then people write their names inside the boxes. One set of numbers is for one team, and one is for the other. So, say, at the end of the first quarter, the score is 10 - 7, the Patriots. Then you would go to that square, and that person who has their name in that square would win.
You can do the same. But instead of putting names in the squares, you put SEX ACTS. So, whoever wins, REALLY wins... And it's up to you be as nice or as naughty as you want. You can have the prizes be anything your little hearts desire, from kissing to an erotic massage, to you owe him a BJ, to he owes YOU. You can bet having sex in his toolshed, or a certain pair of panties you have to wear, or bet he has to do that funny little dance he does naked. (Relax, I'm not spying on you...it was just a lucky guess.) I guarantee you that you will be more interested in the game if you have an evening with a blindfold, whipped cream and oral sex riding on the line...as will he be doubly interested if he's got the same thing going for him if he wins.
- Panty points. OK, let's say you don't have any time to write out a whole pool or it's not your deal. You can get into the game with certain sexual paybacks for certain plays the teams make. What if the Patriots get a 3-point field goal? Maybe he gets his choice of three sex positions. Or say, there's a turnover (fumble or interception), then you get a head to toe body massage, with his tongue. A touchdown could mean you TOUCH him DOWN there..while the point after could mean you get oral sex before and after. The possibilities are endless.
- Commercial fun. And last but not least, there's always some fun to be had with the Superbowl commercials. So why not work them into your game? If a Coke or Pepsi commercial comes on before a beer commercial, one of you has to strip. A Fed Ex commercial means one of you has to feed the other one, while nude, or a pizza commercial gets you your favorite sexual fantasy.
The point is, have fun. Be silly, laugh, be sexy, but be together.
And think how many points YOU'LL score when he sees that the lady he adores not only wants to sit down and watch the game WITH him, but took the time to make a game about sex that revolves around the SUPERBOWL. It's like a dream come true for most red-blooded men.
And, added bonus, this works not just for the Superbowl, but for baseball, hockey, basketball, soccer...hell, bowling, fly-fishing and croquet... whatever he's into. You can liven up your sex life through World Series and play-offs, finals and NASCAR. You're set throughout the year if you just take a chance and get a little creative. Because it's not just about having better sex. It's about having a better relationship.
You have to put in a little effort. I mean, if you just sit in a closet, wishing for a hot dog, it's not going to magically appear. You have to at least open the door. So keep looking for ways to keep things exciting.
Good luck and have a super Superbowl!
Lora Somoza is a love and sex advice columnist and the author of "Bliss in the Bedroom: A Real Woman's Guide To Better Sex." To sign up for her free newsletters or to purchase her book, go to BlissIntheBedroom.