How To Welcome a Son-In-Law

When You Are Not Happy To Do So

A new member is being admitted to your family. Your daughter is getting married. Some of you are pleased with the selection and are thrilled to welcome him into your family.

Others of you do not feel the same way! You have begged her not to marry him and prayed for the earth to open up and swallow him before the big day. But, alas, the day came and she let him put that ring on her finger and you watched her kiss his disgusting mouth.

Now what do you do? The best suggestions for dealing with this situation are:

  1. Remember that she has made her choice and honor that. She must walk her own path, even if she makes mistakes along the way.
  2. Always remember that she is your daughter and you love her. If this is the person she has chosen, never say he is not welcome in your home. If you do, she will not come either.
  3. Never talk bad about him to her, or to her other siblings—they will tell on you!
  4. Find the positive things about him. C’mon, he has some redeeming features or she would not be so in love with the snake.
  5. Spend some time alone with him to get to know him better. You could always be wrong about him. Be patient. He may mature into the right person for her.
  6. Observe him during adversity—that will tell you volumes about his character.
  7. When she comes to you and complains about him, resist the urge to say “I told you so.”
  8. When she comes to you and complains about him, let her vent. Do not take the opportunity to tell her how miserable you think he is. Remember, this is only a disagreement; they will be happy tomorrow and you will be the ‘bad guy’ for saying negative things about him.
  9. Be available as a shoulder to cry on. All married women need this occasionally, even if they are married to the best of men.
  10. Do not be judgmental about any decisions they have made as a couple. This may be hard sometimes. It is a fine line between offering a word of advice and appearing to belittle their decisions. If she knows how you feel about him, this will make her very defensive and discourage her from coming to you next time.
  11. If they have children, NEVER let your grandchildren hear you say anything against their daddy.
  12. Plot his untimely death—only kidding here! Seriously, it is a joke.
  13. When she comes to you and asks how to go about getting a divorce, encourage her to do it right away! Call an attorney for her.

Pat Montgomery

Host of Parents Rule! radio show every Thursday 2-3 pm EST at


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