How To Remove Your Shirt

There are many reasons you'd need to remove your shirt.

One of the main reasons you remove your shirt, although maybe not so quickly, is at the end of a long day at work. How?  As soon as you've entered your home, you would lock the door (we don't want any accidental exposures), then a few steps into your haven, you'd slowly start at the lower buttons of your blouse. One, slowly after another. Somewhere in between buttons 3 and 4, you'd pause to review the mail (bills, again) and check your voicemail (3 messages from Mom). As you walk through your home, and with only a couple more buttons left, you go to your bathroom and check yourself out in the mirror and contemplate the workday you've just had, relish that it is over and you are now home. As you walk into your bedroom, the last few buttons are a breeze, and off your blouse goes onto the welcoming floor.

The next way to remove your shirt, and this is by far the most entertaining, is in a hurry. Not the kind of hurry for example, in a dressing room or at a doctor's office, the kind of hurry I am talking about is when time is of the essence and every second can be used doing other delightfully naughty things. In those cases, sometimes in the back seats of cars (preferably muscle cars), dark movie cinemas (back row, please?) and/or in any location the mood fits. Taking off one's shirt in that kind of situation is a thing of beauty. For one, you can't just rip it off, there has to be some mystique to it. So, when the mood is right, you would naturally start with the bottom button--no need to show the goods just yet. One button, pause, then another button. The pauses are crucial to the whole game--so don't quit on me just yet. Midway, you'll completely stop. Now at this point, only your belly button should be showing, just enough skin to entice and compel the viewer to forget to breathe. Now, after a sultry look, you start again. One more button at a time until you reach the very top. Now, while your blouse may technically be unbuttoned--that by no means that it's off. As soon as you lock eyes with your admirer, smile, and let him do the rest (which usually means your top was off 5 minutes ago).


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