How To Open a Beer Without an Opener

Opening beer with mouth

You’ve just spent the last 10 hours helping your buddy move into his new apartment or you’ve returned to your campsite after hiking in the summer heat all day long…and it’s time to reward yourself with a cold beer. You can practically taste the suds as you hold the bottle in your own hand. Only one problem: YOU DON’T HAVE A BOTTLE OPENER! Panic sets in as your buddy explains that his opener is buried inside one of the 50 boxes you just finished lugging up two flights of stairs, or you picture your opener at home sitting alone on the counter, a worthless tool in a beer-free landscape.

But all hope is not lost. The following list has several simple and inventive ways to use everyday objects to crack off that bottle cap without breaking glass or ruining the dental work your parents paid dearly for. Most all of these items utilize a solid edge to work against the bottle’s cap and are closer at hand than you might even realize…

  1. Buckle up.

    Hopefully you aren’t the type who walks around with your pants falling off your hips – which means you’re probably rocking a belt in the waist-land! Your belt’s buckle can also function as a bottle opener, and here’s how to do it.

    • Take off your belt. You don’t want to try any sudden jerking motions with glass in that area of your body, do you?
    • Fit an edge of the buckle tightly over the cap.
    • Using your thumb, push hard up on the other edge of the buckle, which should pry the cap right off.
    • Drink. And put your belt back on before your pants sag and you ruin the party for everyone.
    • 'Course if you're slick, you can always ask the hottest chick to lend you hers. This way you're closer to third base and your cold brew all in one shot.
  2. The lighter of my life.

    You keep promising you’re going to give up smoking and arson. But you’ll be glad you haven’t yet, as your trusty lighter can now aid your pursuit of other vices. All you smokers finally have your opportunity to shine. Just whip out your trusty Bic and get to popping them caps off.

    • Take out your lighter and prop the bottom of it (NOT the metal top) against the cap’s edge.
    • Gripping the bottleneck tightly, push up on the cap with the edge of your lighter. This should loosen the cap, if not completely pop it off. If it doesn’t take the cap off right away, turn the bottle slightly in your hand and apply pressure to another area of the cap.
    • Drink up. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. Celebrate your weakness for tobacco and booze.
  3. Keynotes. This is the most likely item you’ll have at your disposal. Here’s how to do it:
    • Grab the bottle in one hand and your key in the other. Use a key whose teeth you can wedge nice and tight between the cap and the bottle’s neck.
    • As hard as you can, twist the key under the cap and pull the side of the cap away from the bottle. This will produce a tiny gap between the cap and bottle.
    • Now that you’ve got that first gap, repeat this process on another part of the cap to create another gap.
    • Repeat this process until you get halfway around the cap.

      By this point, you should be able to simply grip the cap with your fingers and thumb and twist off. If not, keep twisting the key under the cap until you’ve loosened the cap enough to get that sucker off.

  4. Paper dreams. Let’s say you’ve got nothing on hand except ingenuity and a few greenbacks. While you might prefer a 50, it's all the same to your beer. Here’s what to do:
    • Take said bill and fold it up several times over, until all you’re left with is a tightly-compressed piece, which should resemble a “V” shape (two folded bits that meet in one sharp, tight corner).
    • Take the "V" and wedge the corner of its fold into the bottle cap.
    • Jerk the bill up as hard as you can, which will result in the cap popping off.
    • Although this works with dollar bills, the bigger piece of paper you have to work with, the stronger your cap-popping wedge will be.
  5. Dog collar days. Well you’re a beltless, keyless, paperless, pink-lunged wonder who’s still longing for that beer. Got a dog? Take it by the collar, pet its soft head, then remove that collar because its tiny buckle can help you out! You’ll basically be performing a variation on the belt buckle system listed above – it just takes a bit longer because chances are your dog’s collar buckle is a bit smaller than your belt’s. And if you’ve got a lap dog, a cat, or some other critter smaller than a bread box, his collar probably won’t do much good. It’s medium-to-large breed or bust in this instance!
  6. Ring-a-ding-ding. A metal ring of any sort is the perfect tool in this instance because its tiny metal edges can be leveraged to defeat any bottle cap. This is how:
    • Keeping your ring on, grasp the top of the bottle in your hand.
    • Close your hand over the cap, gripping it so that the edge of your ring is flush against the bottom of the cap.
    • Keeping your grip tight, lift up. The edge of the ring will peel off the cap and open the bottle.
    • Be wary of using your wedding band. It is one thing to explain to your other half staying out late drinking with your friends. It is a whole different story explaining the gouges in your wedding ring.
  7. Flip your lid. Thank God you’re wearing that ball cap to keep the sun off your face or the sweat out of your eyes. But did you know the bill can act as a temporary bottle opener? Here’s how:
    • Take your cap off and grip the bill tightly in your hand, squeezing it together so that the rim of the bill makes a rounded “u” shape.
    • Press the rim up against the cap. With a strong jerk of the wrist, flip up the bill, which will rip the cap off the bottle top.
    • Drink. Put your hat back on. Assume frat boy posturing.
  8. Bumper crop. If you (or someone you know) has a vehicle that isn't simply fiberglass-and-plastic on wheels, then a metal bumper is also an easy tool to use to free your beer from its bottled prison.
    • Simply align the cap against the edge of the bumper.
    • Putting pressure on the cap with the hand that holds the bottle, strike the bottle with your free hand a few inches from the cap – the blunt force should cause the cap to pop right off.
    • Drink fast, as the action will cause your suds to come rushing from the bottle’s mouth.
  9. Bottle rock it. Where there’s one beer, there are sure to be several more. This bodes well for your predicament, as this is probably the simplest, most efficient way to get that beer cap off, and no one’s teeth, fashion accessories, or Chevy Impalas are needed for success!
    • Simply place the cap of one bottle just under the edge of another bottle’s cap.
    • Jerk down hard on the bottle on top – the cap will pop off against the cap underneath.
    • Drink up… just be sure you have another unopened bottle to help you open the next beer!

Despite the initially grim prospect of being unable to open your beer bottle without a proper opener, the above steps will help you achieve beer-drinking nirvana with a few simple, handy, everyday items sure to be within your reach. All it takes is an open mind, a sharp edge or two, and a little hand-jive, and you’ll soon be known as the “MacGyver” of the brew world.

Now about those wine corks…


 

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