This is Dr. Anthony Kane for the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for you. Today we will discuss how to control inappropriate behavior in children and teens and specifically what you should do about it. Now we have discussed this different times, this behavior is result of a learned response. Meaning the child spontaneously for some reason, he is very young acting inappropriately, through a tantrum, broke things, and the adults around him gave in to the child desires, either gave it because it was a bad time for them or because they were embarrassed by the behaviors in public.
Whatever the reason was it happened often enough that the child realized, he can get what he wants by acting inappropriately. In other words, it's a way of the child to get what he wants. It's the technique that child learned is the learned behavior. So what you have to do is unteach the behavior and you have to do it immediately and here is the reason why?
Because as your child gets older, he is going to want more things, more bigger things, more dangerous things and he will learn that if you give in the bad behavior then all he has to do is escalate the behavior and he will get what he wants, he will get what he wants eventually and that will make your life really bad. It will be very hard for you, it will be really very hard and that's why lot of people, parents of teens have such problems with their children.
Because their children have learned over the years that eventually the parents will get in, even on occasion and that would result in really bad out of control teen behavior. Breaking walls, punching through walls, breaking doors, breaking windows, all sorts of abusive and cursing because the children understand, it's the technique to get what they want. And it's a learned technique. So we have to, yes you have to unteach your child and this is not easy thing to do. It's a hard, well, it's not a hard thing to do, but it is not a pleasant thing to do.
Because what will happen is this. Your child will understand that - what happens is you will try to teach the technique you will not get in. So your child will actually escalate the behavior. We have to do right now and at that point it's definitely to never give him. It has to be like cold therapy, no more giving in to that behavior, no more accepting that behavior and refusing to comply, would the child excel, he does not get what he wants, and eventually after a long time he will understand this and he will understand it's no longer a positive way to get what he wants. Not effective to get what he wants and he will stop acting out.
But until that time, he is going to escalate the behavior, so he has to be prepared for this. What that means is this. You should not get involved in the battle with your child or problem with your child, if you are not able to follow through. That means if you are going out for an appointment, or if you have an important phone call, or for some reason you cannot sit it out, wait it out, and tolerate. Whatever your child is going to do, you should not get involved in the battle. You should not even say no at the point. You have to get in or do some divert to something else. He is not saying no in that back down. Because all you by backing down, eventually it will just escalate the behavior.
Again, I want to point out that this bad behavior, abusive behavior, out of control behavior in children and teens are learned. There are learned process to get what they want and a result of that, you must unteach them and that is hard. In terms it's hard in that you - it may take a lot of abuse doing it, but its absolutely revital. Because if you don't do it now, it will only get worse and will not better, it will only escalate. That's why I can tell you it's not nice but that's best to do it.
Again, this is Dr. Anthony Kane for the CC Parenting Program. If you like to have more parenting tips like this, please go to our website at ccparenting.com and sign for a free newsletter.
