Turning Others' Viewpoints to Your Advantage

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Sometimes people criticize us just to be cruel, or to alleviate their own insecurities, and we have to be able to sort through this kind of criticism and the more constructive kind that tells us we need to do better. The truth is, none of us likes ANY kind of criticism, but there are some rules for dealing with it that apply to whatever criticism we might receive, and sometimes to even use it in our favor.
Step 1:

Listen to the criticism and get it over with, since you probably have no choice, and you don't ever know when it's coming.

Step 2:

Ask yourself what part of the criticism bothered you. Focus in on what bothered you the most about what was said. Write it all down if necessary.

Step 3:

Ask yourself if any part of the criticism was helpful. Sometimes there isn't any part that is helpful, but think really hard about what part might have been. Zero in on that part and write it down, too, if necessary.

Step 4:

Ask yourself why you think the criticism bothered you so much. Think about this for a while and be honest with yourself about the answer. Did it remind you of an old boss who criticized you in the past? Or someone from your childhood? Etc.

Step 5:

Recall some praise you've received in the past: a good performance review, a pat on the back for a job well done, or an especially nice compliment from someone. Revel in that for as long as you can.

Step 6:

Write a letter to your criticizer---NOT to actually be sent to them, of course. If the criticism continues to bother you a great deal, write him/her a letter defending your position and explaining the thoughts behind your actions at the time.

Step 7:

Go back to the drawing board and do the best you can, as always.

Some criticism is warranted---unfortunately. Sometimes coming to terms with what we've done wrong is the first step in our personal improvement, but then some criticism we receive just needs to be seen for what it really is---invalid. These steps should help you see the difference.

Comments

You are so right. From my experience, I say things that are not meant to criticize and some people take these as criticism. On my part, people say things and I take these as criticism even if they are not meant to be.

Mary Norton's picture
By Mary Norton 13 weeks 5 days