One of the benefits of going on a road trip is the bonus of having a good laugh at all the stupid highway signs you'll encounter. Most of these road signs are unintentionally funny, which just adds to their appeal. A few are pretty good at getting their sarcastic message across. And some are just so weird it's hard to decide if their creators were dense or simply have a really quirky sense of humor.
In Illinois, a billboard ad that says "Pregnant? We can help." stands right above a building advertising dependable rubber. A little too late, don't you think? Another billboard has this more straightforward message: "Please… neuter your pets and weird friends and relatives."
Road traffic signs range in conventional wisdom from "Caution: water on road when it rains" to "Slow down or die." Some make a vain attempt at being helpful: "Emergency phone 174km ahead" and "Lane closed to ease congestion." Others can't even get the spelling right: a sign pointing southbound guiding travelers onto Business Highway 51 in Rothschild and Schofield reads "Buisness 51 Rothschield Schofeild."
Some crossing signs are just plain scary: "Warning: artillery firing over public roads day & night." and "Please drive safely. Unmarked nuclear warheads travel these roads. Keep our children radiation-free!" You often wonder if those warnings can really help.
Highway signs can sometimes point to places that sound intrinsically weird, such as "Taintsville" or the "Dildo Bed and Breakfast" in Dildo, Newfoundland. Who knows what interesting things you'll encounter there?
In Arkansas, a welcome sign reads "Welcome to Arkansas. The Natural State. Home of President Bill Clinton." A smaller sign underneath adds, "In compliance with Megan's law, the above is a known sex offender." Poor Bill.
Republicans also get their share of flak. There is a welcome sign in Connecticut that reads "Connecticut Welcomes You. Birthplace of George W. Bush." And underneath, "We Apologize."
"No Parking" signs, in particular, bring out exceptional creativity and weirdness. One sign, posted around five feet above a chicken-wire fence, says "No parking above this sign." Maybe it was aimed at hovercrafts? Others are passive-aggressive: "Free tire puncturing."
Meanwhile, back on the ground, pedestrian signs can also cause significant worry and confusion. A street sign that can't make up its mind: "Entrance only - do not enter." A sign in Florida reads "Do not feed or molest the alligators - $500.00 fine." How exactly does one go about molesting alligators? A sign at a zoo reads "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give to the guard on duty."
Pedestrians can also add their own flavor to humor in street signs. A gardener crossing sign in Seattle was scrawled with the following words: "Urine kills plants," "Poop is best scooped," and "Please curb your dog!"
As the following examples illustrate, you should try keeping your temper low and your eyes wide open. Be prepared for anything. There's always something to laugh about somewhere. Road signs are no exception.