How To Identify a Zombie

Zombies have always haunted numerous people. Just the thought of encountering one would make your stomach churn. Who would say that they never dreamt of zombies? Fact of the matter is, many people claimed that they have encountered zombies. But how do you know if the person standing in front of you is a zombie?

First and foremost, let us discuss the types of zombies:

Voodoo Zombies. These are the traditional “evil magic powered” zombies. Said to come from the Caribbean and eventually made its way to Haiti, these zombies are made by using voodoo powder on humans – turning them into lifeless, flesh-eating monstrosities.

Hollywood Zombies. These are those zombies introduced to you by filmmakers. Hollywood zombies are those slow-moving, rotten corpses said to feast on human brains.

New Type Hollywood Zombies. These zombies look like they had overdose on steroids. These zombies are faster, meaner and inhibit superhuman abilities.

Real Zombies. Experts claim that people turn to a zombiefied state if they are affected with a certain virus. This article will explain to you how to identify a real zombie, and differentiate them from politicians.

Now that everything is clear, let us delve into the unknown territory of the vile undead. Knowing if a person next to you is a real zombie proves to be crucial, unless you want to be a zombie-feed and you want your brains to be their main course. Here are some ways that can help you identify if a zombie is in front of you:

• Zombies walk slowly. Real zombies are said to lack lower motor skills, meaning they walk very slow (the fastest zombie is said to take a step at the rate of 1 step per 1.1 second).
• You cannot communicate with real zombies. Zombies also lack communication skills. This means that no matter how much you yell “Stop!” or “Get back you murderous monster!”, the fact of the matter is that zombies won’t understand you. They only have these crave for flesh, much like animals and murderers do.
• Zombies are numb. Real zombies cannot, in any way, feel pain. Because the only thing processing in their brain is to feed, zombies shove pain just for the sake of eating. Be wary though, a person who overdosed on some drugs can’t feel anything also, so don’t always assume that one of your drugged neighbors is a zombie.
• There are no zombiefied animals. If the virus that causes zombiefication infects an animal, chances are, that animal will die in a few hours. The virus only attacks human brains. So do not feel paranoid if a wild animal bites you when you tried to feed it some peanuts. But consult your doctor too, because you might have another dreaded virus inside you too, Rabies!
• Real zombies are pale and rotting. Zombies have pale skin because they are already dead. And no, those who have the disease called leprosy aren’t zombies. But zombies do rot. The virus controlling their brain is the only one keeping the dead body alive, and the brain only gives one command to the body – it must feed. So after a person reanimates as a zombie, nature will proceed with the act of decomposing the body (Hey, the guy’s dead. What do you expect, a zombie with radiant skin?).
• There are no zombies without heads. So rest assured that the headless horseman is not a zombie. As mentioned numerous times, the brain is the main control center of a zombie. So without a head, poof, they are as dead as a doornail.
• Zombies have heightened senses. Because they only need to feed, zombies revert back to their only basic need to hunt, and with that, heightened senses resurface in them. You don’t need to worry, though, as zombies cannot shoot laser eye beams and spit acid.

With these said, you are now ready to identify if the next person you are going to identify is a zombie or a mindless bum. Always be prepared though, because once you encounter a zombie and panic strikes you, then say goodbye to the world. Be forewarned, because the dead will walk the earth… or so they say.