How To Stash Your Weed

Smoking squirrel

First, a disclaimer: This isn’t an article on gardening or better lawn care.

If you read the title and the first thought that struck you was, “Whoa, it’s a how-to about hiding pot/ganj/herb/mary jane!”, then congratulations, you have the finely-tuned instincts of a drug-sniffing German Shepherd. 

You probably also realize just how important it can be that you stash your weed, and stash it well. It's almost as important as learning how to pass drug tests to get or keep a job (you can pick up some excellent tips with Drug Testing Secrets). 

In my mind, stashing your weed is similar to a squirrel or chipmunk storing nuts for the cold winter -- you don't want anyone finding it, and you know you'll be wanting/needing it soon.

With that in mind, your fearless writer has put in hours of research interviewing anonymous tokers to find out how best to hide your precious doobage. 

Because I have no experience trying to hide such an illicit substance from snooping authority figures such as parents, cops, or teachers.  None.  Zero.

DuncanIt’s just a coincidence that I have the munchies while I write this…and that I’m slightly paranoid…and am going to see Pineapple Express for the 4th time…but I digress.  This is about making your life easier, not mine.  

On with the show… and stop staring at me!

  1. Spice it up.  Standard household spice Oregano has an uncanny resemblance to pot (not to mention a pungent odor that can mask any hint of weed), so use that to your advantage: Empty out an Oregano container and put your bud in it instead.  No one’s the wiser with a cursory glance at your spice rack… but just be sure someone doesn’t jazz up a pasta dish with your goods.
  2. Freeze'er. Some folks like to keep their instant coffee cans in the freezer – why not swap out the grinds for your buds? No one would ever think to look there, plus you have the added bonus of coffee odor to hide the weed’s scent…as if keeping it in a metal container wasn’t secure enough!
  3. Fern, baby, fern. Most of us have at least one indoor potted plant – because it pretties things up, because they produce oxygen, because someone bought you one as a housewarming gift and damn if you can’t kill the thing despite every effort to forget it’s sitting in the corner.

    Well, forget no more, as an indoor plant makes for a great hiding spot for your own Earthy greens in the pot’s soil. Simply dig out a little grave, insert your baggie-encased plant-life, and cover. Look at you, doing your part for the environment! Just be sure your mother doesn't find it.

  4. Well-read. Find (or go out and buy) a nice, thick book. The latest Harry Potter. A Shakespeare anthology. The Bible. An old phone book. Crack it open…and cut a rectangular square about 150-200 pages deep in the center. The newly-carved dugout is the perfect spot for your hooch. Place the book on your bookshelf. Look smart.

    Note: If you’re driving around with your weed, use your car’s manual or a Thomas Guide for the same hiding effect…just don’t come crying to us when you can’t figure out what that blinking light is on your dash because you hollowed out that part of the manual!

  5. Pot-pourri. Maybe there’s a lovely display of potpourri in a nice vase in your home – make the most of its fragrant scent and earthy appearance by stashing your weed underneath the stuff. Because nothing spits in the face of authority like flaunting your illegally-gotten gains right under their noses.
  6. Making a case.  Have a glasses case just sitting around in a drawer that you never use?  Why not put it to use as a mini-sarcophagus for your stash?  The shape is perfect for most reasonable, baggie-sized amounts.  And really, if you keep more weed than this on a regular basis, you might have bigger issues to deal with.  You might end up like this:
  7. Game on!  Smoking weed and video games go together like ramalamalama-da-dingity-ding-ding-dong.  Utilize your game console for something more than killing time (and brain cells) by housing your weed within.

    Using a screwdriver, simply remove a side panel, find an empty space, and insert.  But be careful – don’t take your console completely apart in search of the perfect spot, unless you work in the factory that puts these suckers together.  And don’t store your stash too close to your console’s heating fan, or its sweet scent will go wafting into the air as soon as the fan kicks on to cool down the machine!

  8. Open bar.  Last, but certainly not least, is our tip on how to get through an airport with your stash.  If you must travel with your weed, this method is pretty tried and true to get through airport security: Buy a new bar of soap… cut in two and hollow out both halves… insert baggie… re-close soap bar and rub over cut lines until they are smoothed away, giving the appearance of a brand-new bar… place the bar into one of those plastic containers, and voila.  No one’s the wiser and the scent of the soap should cover the smell of the hooch.

The above methods for hiding your weed are almost foolproof… unless you live with a DEA Agent with a trained eye (and nose) for such things.  But if all else fails, remember that there is one tried and true way to make sure no one ever finds your precious bud: JUST SMOKE IT!  You didn’t buy the stuff just to stow away, did you?  Eliminate the fear of being busted by enjoying your smoke in a timely manner… or at least before Mom and Dad get home.

 

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Comments

Jan
13

Wonderful Article, especially considering the effort it takes to write concise thoughts that actually come out sounding sober while you are under the influence. Also , loved the video's. Very Creative article!

By Brett Bilak