Are you having sexual problems in your marriage? If so, you’re not alone. It’s more common than couples care to admit. Whether you have lost interest, have a medical problem or just have no time or energy for it, there is help available for couples in a sexual slump. Here’s what you can do to help your situation.
- Admit there’s a problem. Don’t be in denial if there’s a problem in the bedroom. Any undiscussed sexual problem is like a white elephant in the room. You’re both aware there’s something wrong but pretending it doesn’t exist. Not talking about it won’t make the problem go away. If you and your spouse aren’t having sex at all, there’s an underlying problem in the marriage that needs to be worked on. The first step to getting anything fixed it to admit there’s something wrong so you can take steps together to make it work again.
- Avoid blame. It’s embarrassing to talk about sexual problems so most couples just avoid it. This is a mistake. Don’t blame the other person for his lack of drive, energy or whatever other reason. Some sexual problems stem from a physical condition or as a side effect of medication. Other times, it’s stress that a spouse is having difficulty dealing with.
- Ask for help. Rule out any physical conditions to make sure the sexual problem isn’t being caused of any ill health. Some women experience fluctuations in hormone levels, especially after childbirth, during peri-menopause or if there’s a thyroid problem. For men, stress and high blood pressure can cause erectile dysfunction. Talk to a trained medical professional to get help. You may also want to go to a couple’s therapist to work on any other underlying issues in the marriage. You may even seek the help of a licensed sex therapist to help you reconnect in your marriage.
- Deal with your issues. Connect with your spouse again on other intimate levels. Have an open line of communication so you can talk about other problems in the marriage. Sex is usually what suffers in a marriage if there’s an undercurrent of tension, resentment or frustration in the relationship. If you’re feeling resentful because your spouse isn’t helping out with the kids, talk to him about it. Some therapists say that romance starts by doing the dishes. If your wife is never in the mood, do her chores for her and see how it lights up her fire! Before you can get frisky in the bedroom, you have to work on your other problems first. It’s hard to feel intimate with a spouse if you have feelings of resentment.
- Be ready to change it up. Be the one to initiate sex if it’s always your spouse who gets things started. Check in a bed and breakfast or drive out to a motel for a change of scenery. If boredom and monotony are causing your sex life to go on a standstill, you need to rev things up again by switching gears. Try new positions and get new lingerie.
Be open with your spouse and be willing to take steps to improve the situation. If you do, you’ll soon find yourselves swinging from the chandelier once again.