The big question with infidelity is how do you build trust again? How do you gain back that trust that you have squandered? In any relationship, trust is a sacred ingredient. Intricately linked with trust is respect. That means that if you respect your partner, you will not do anything that will violate his or her sense of trust.
This is even more serious when it comes to matters of marriage. When you marry someone you exchange vows of love and fidelity – infidelity is a very serious breach of trust. No matter what the type of person your partner is, if you have been unfaithful, it will be very difficult to reconcile a marriage after an infidelity. A large factor will depend on the kind of person you partner is, and what his or her reaction is. Was she outraged and unwilling to reconcile? Was she deeply hurt and could no longer bear to see you? Or is there still some part of her that wants to give it another shot? Your efforts and sincerity might just determine the outcome of your marriage. If you are stuck in this dilemma, you can check the guideline for some advice:
- End the affair. The marriage is tarnished because of the affair, and no effort to rebuild it will succeed if you are still carrying on with the affair. End the affair and make sure that all strings are cut off. Make a decision that you will not have an affair again. Let your partner know that you have ended the affair. Do not gather any more information about your lover, just forget about them and leave them out of your life. In the end, you will have to choose between your partner and the lover. If you choose your partner, then break all ties with the lover.
- Show remorse. The aggrieved party would need to see remorse. And if you are truly sorry with what you have done you would not have problem exhibiting this. It is not enough that you know what you have done is wrong – you should be deeply sorry for it. No amount of apology will even compensate for the infidelity, so know now that apology must be remorse.
- Show sincere effort. The path to reconciling a marriage after an infidelity is arduous, but sincere effort will help the aggrieved party to slowly build trust again. And this is what really needs to happen – to reconcile the marriage is reconcile the trust. You do not gain trust overnight. Moreover, it is more difficult to gain trust when you have gained it and broken it. Change your ways. Do small things that would prove that you are sincere in changing, that you are putting in an effort to make the marriage work.
There is a reason why there is infidelity. Usually infidelity is a symptom that the marriage is not working, or is under a lot of stress, or there is something that is not being given proper attention. This is the time to let it all out in the open and talk honestly with each other as man and wife. If you really want to reconcile your marriage then you should prepare yourself to face the truths about your relationship. What are the strengths and weakness? Is the marriage failing? Only then can you start making amends and work on making your marriage what you wish it to be.