Nowadays, divorce is the usual approach to a dying marriage. In fact, divorce is at an all-time high. But several divorces could have been prevented only if couples mutually, deliberately, and decidedly tried to save a marriage. Saving a marriage is not easy. Truth is, it requires a change of thoughts, perspectives, actions, and habits to effectively uproot the problems and smooth out the issues. How to save a marriage depends on the unique needs and situation of a couple, but here is a general guideline that can be of help.
- Determine the root. There has to be a reason behind the breakdown of the marriage. Try to figure it out. Did it start from a simple, petty fight that eventually grew big? Or was it because of a series of events? Did it start even before the marriage started? Or does it involve other people? If you know the root of the problem, you can easily find a solution. If possible, talk it out with your spouse and relay how much you are willing to solve the issue.
- Show your respect. No matter how mad you are at your spouse, never treat him with disrespect. At all times, especially when the kids are around, treat your spouse in a cordial manner. When you talk, never drag the issues. And when you talk about the issues, never talk in an accusatory manner. Even if the love is waning, respect must still be intact.
- Avoid the blame game. Blaming is a natural tendency, but you cannot save and heal a marriage if you constantly bring the past back and condemn the offending party. What you need to do is forgive and ask for forgiveness. This will be hard, of course. But when you decide in your heart to forgive your spouse and to be humble enough to also ask for forgiveness, you liberate yourself from the pain and begin to step into the healing process.
- Avoid comparing. In your disgust, you probably are tempted to compare your spouse with others. But making comparison is never healthy in a relationship. When you compare, you indirectly find fault with your husband, which all the more widens the gap between the two of you. So don’t look at others or at their situation. Focus on the issue at hand and what could be done to repair the marriage.
- Consult a marriage counselor. Many couples see marriage counseling as a final option. But why would you wait for the problem to go out of hand before seeking professional help? If you see it is necessary, talk to your spouse about the need to meet up with a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor can help you see your marriage in a different perspective and suggest ways to address the problems.
Unless it is marred by abuse and violence, your marriage is worth saving. So please make every effort not to include your marriage in the divorce statistics. Take the situation only as a low point in your marriage, which every married couple goes through. Ask any long-time married couple and they will tell you that their marriage has also been on the brink of death, but because they have very high regard for their till-death-do-us-part vow, they resuscitated their marriage back to life.