Marriage is supposed to be an unbroken and untarnished bond between two persons who have vowed and sworn towards each other their marital vows. Yet, not everyone has the ability to keep these promises. Some actually fail to fulfill their marital promises, either knowingly or unknowingly. Most often, infidelity comes from every human being’s predisposition to frailty and vulnerability.
In several cases, especially in cases of severe infidelity, the marriage is beyond repair. However, in many other cases, the unfaithful affair is just strong enough to make a dent in the marriage but not shatter the bond completely. For this latter case, this article offers a few tips. Read on for some useful recommendations on the things that you can do to save your marriage after an affair.
- Cool off. Finding out about an unfaithful relationship of your spouse can make you flare up. It is important that you let your heads cool down first before you start doing any mending.
- Confide in a friend. It can also help you clarify and validate your feelings if you confide in a friend or someone that you trust. Share to them what you feel. They can provide you objective feedback and can help you cool down your agitated feelings further.
- Do not hurry. If you shouldn’t hurry, what are you supposed to wait for? You are supposed to wait for the right time and condition when both you and your unfaithful spouse can discuss the matter in a productive, constructive, and nonviolent manner.
- Take responsibility. Whether you are the unfaithful partner or not, you should take full responsibility for your actions. Especially if you were the unfaithful spouse, part of being responsible means admitting your error, and then seeking ways to correct it. For instance, you ought to stop communicating with the other person you’re having an affair with.
- Talk no holds barred. Honesty, a song goes, is such a lonely word. Yet, it is the only way to find the truth. In the case of infidelity, you will have greater chances of saving your marriage if you openly discuss your marital issues, but do it only once your heads have cooled down.
- Set common relationship goals. These goals should be ones that both of you commit to. If both of you still want the relationship to work, working together on these goals and supporting each other in achieving them just might do the trick. For instance, one goal you might want to work on is that of restoring trust and confidence in the unfaithful partner. Both of you should agree on how to go about doing that.
- Consider seeking the help of a marriage counsellor. The marriage counsellor can guide both of you towards expressing your deepest feelings and drawing out your hidden thoughts. Exposing these underlying thoughts and feelings can empower both you and your spouse in taking more control over your individual behaviours.
Finding out about your partner’s infidelity can cause you great emotional turmoil. It can be a season of mental and emotional disruption. But, you don’t need to cut the ties right away, as it may still be possible to save the relationship. Try the tips described in this article to get you on the way towards restoring your marriage.