The end of a marriage is one of the most devastating and difficult things to recover from. However, once the paperwork has been set and the decree has been given, then you need to come to terms with the divorce so you can move on.
Here’s how to survive an unwanted divorce.
- Accept your new reality. Even if you don’t want the divorce, you have to accept that your spouse does. It takes two to make a marriage work and only one to call it quits. Stop being in denial. You should also stop the blame and learn to shift your focus on your own future.
- Talk to your spouse. Although you are probably not in the best of terms with your spouse, try to sit down with a mediator so you can discuss things about the marriage. If you’re not clear about why you are getting the divorce, then there is something wrong. You may still be in denial about things or you haven’t come to fully accept your new reality. Avoid fighting or putting the blame on each other. However, try to see if you can talk about a compromise agreement.
- Settle the property and custody arrangements. If you can’t talk to your spouse, then you need to let the lawyers negotiate in your behalf. You need to find out if you are getting alimony, the house and the kids. Try to work out an agreement with your spouse. Otherwise, the judge will be the one to divide things up for you. When dealing with the children, think of what is in their best interests, rather than using them to hurt your spouse or get even. When it comes to money, go with what is fair.
- Get counseling. You need to seek help dealing with your feelings and emotions. It’s best to talk to a therapist or counselor rather than just your best friend. He will be able to give you a more neutral perspective and teach you the skills so you can cope with the upheaval in your life. You need to let out all the negativity you feel so you can start to heal from it. This process will take a while but allow yourself to grieve and move on.
- Get a job. If you aren’t working, you need to get your finances in order. For many people, this is the most difficult aspect of divorce. However, work with the skills that you have. Consider starting a business or find ways to work from home if you need to stay with your kids.
- Seek the support of your friends and family members. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you. It’s good to take a break and be with friends. Your family will remind you that there is still love in your life and you are lovable.
- Set a goal for yourself. Now that you are unencumbered by a spouse, you can once again start thinking about yourself and what you want out of life. It’s time to redefine and reinvent yourself. Whether you want to be successful so you can support your kids, or you want to start the career you always wanted but had to set aside, now is the time to do it.
There is life after divorce. In many instances, it’s even better than the life you may have had during the marriage. Allow yourself time to heal, then regroup and focus so you can move on.