Breakups are never easy and can be downright hard to do. If you have an ex who refuses to remain in the background, then it can be even more difficult to move on. It’s important that you both have some time apart to be able to heal from the wounds of the relationship.
If your ex is still contacting you, it may mean that he isn’t over you or doesn’t want to let go of the relationship. Whatever his reasons may be, if you have decided that you want to move on, then you need to tell your ex to stop contacting you. Here’s what you need to do.
- Do be clear. When you break up, you need to be clear about it. You may not be able to explain your reasons in a way that is acceptable to him, but do be clear that you no longer desire to continue the relationship in spite of whatever feelings you may still have. You can say “Please don’t call or see me anymore.” It can be as simple as that. If you say, “I think we need some time apart”, it leaves things open to interpretation. For one thing, he may not think the same way. For another, the length of time apart may be interpreted in a variety of way. He may take it to mean two to three days whereas you may mean “I don’t want to see or hear you again”
- Do be firm. If you show any sign of weakness or if you are wishy-washy about things, he will keep on trying to contact you.
- Do be consistent. If you allow him some leeway at some points, he will keep trying to go after you. Whenever he calls, you need to cut the conversation and remind him that you don’t want to talk anymore, and then hang up. You will need to constantly reject him for him to get the message if he keeps on trying to call or communicate with you.
- Don’t be available. You may need to change your numbers, block messages from him on your email account and cut off his access to your social networking sites. If he does manage to get you, you need to say you need to go somewhere and immediately leave. If he tries to contact you soon after or he goes to your place and bangs on your door, you’ll need to have your doorman block him. You may need to change the locks of your home, or try to spend a few days at a friend’s house. Your other option is to try to have a friend stay over with you for a while. Change your routine home and don’t go to your usual places where you’re likely to “accidentally” run into him.
- Don’t succumb to pity. Don’t cave in. remember that no breakup is easy and you will only make it more difficult by trying to be “nice” to him. If you throw him a bone once by entertaining the call or meeting him for dinner, you’ll only make it more difficult again.
- Do resort to legal action if necessary. If your ex is stalking you, then you need to get a restraining order. If he has made threats or you fear for your safety, then you need to do what it takes to be safe.
Eventually, most people get the messages and your ex will soon be a thing of the past. Just be clear, firm and move on so he will do the same.