An affair will be sure to cause trauma and distrust in a relationship. It might be difficult to trust someone again after infidelity. Most couples simply break apart after an affair has been discovered. However, if you plan to repair your marriage afterward, you will be on a long and difficult path to recovery.
It is not a bad idea to learn to forgive and trust again after experiencing infidelity. However, you can think of trusting your spouse after an affair as the best chance of survival, not only for your relationship but for your individuality and your family. It boils down to the need to bring new meaning to your marriage.
- Talk about what happened. Be honest with each other. The affair may be over already, but that does not mean that you have to forget about it. Learn some lessons from what happened as you communicate. Agree on talking not just about the affair but the other aspects of the marriage, as well. To ensure a clear and productive discussion, avoid saying negative ideas or bringing up old arguments. As you discuss the issues in your relationship, focus on doing it for the better and not making things worse.
- Involve your family. If you have kids, you will have to be honest with them, so they know what to expect. You need not burden them too much about details on your spouse’s infidelity, as this might just demonize your spouse. However, if your children are old enough, let them know that you have your issues, and that you are working them out.
- Do not lie to your spouse. Broken relationships are oftentimes triggered by deception and lies. It pays to be honest to your spouse whether in small or big things. Lying about small things should be avoided. Remember that trust goes both ways. If you want to bring back your trust toward your spouse, you will also need to earn his trust.
- Trust yourself. Trusting others begins with trusting yourself. You will have a hard time trusting your husband if you don’t trust yourself in the first place. Don’t let self-doubt reduce your self-esteem and capacity to trust.
- Get some help from a counselor or a therapist. A good step in mending a broken relationship is making the big decision to get help from a professional, like a counselor or a therapist. As a neutral third party, a counselor or a therapist can assist you in understanding what really went wrong in your marriage. A counselor will be able to give you a more objective assessment of your situation, and provide unbiased solutions to your problems.
- Give it some time. Trusting a person after infidelity will require time. Don’t hurry yourself in the process of forgiveness and rebuilding your relationship. Consider it like a fragile item, which can easily break if handled too roughly.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity will require determination from both parties. Broken hearts can be mended, but this will require time. What’s important is for both you and your spouse to agree on rebuilding a healthy relationship based on trust and faithfulness.