Hi! This is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for you. Today, we are going to discuss a parenting mistake which is very, very detrimental to your parenting, particularly if your child has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and that mistake is getting angry with your child.
Getting angry is basically the parent exploding and losing control, and that has very serious ramifications for you in raising your child. There are three separate reasons.
Well, the first reason is because when you lose control, you are showing your child that your child can do something that gets to you. Now the ODD child to be able to have some type of control over you, that's golden from them. They love that they have control. And I can guarantee you, if you get angry about something, you are going to see that behavior over again and again from your ODD child. That's the first problem.
The second problem is when you get angry, the the issue in the child's mind becomes your anger. That means that whatever you're trying to accomplish, whatever you're trying, behavior you are trying to get rid of, is now lost. The only thing in your child's mind that's important is that you're angry. And that's a serious problem, because even if your child does listen, he will not learn anything from that lesson, that the lesson you teach him.
The third problem and probably the most serious problem with getting angry is the problem of being a role model. Children learn from what they see around. Now you are your child's most important role model. That means how you react to the world and how you behave is going to teach your child how they should behave. Now, when you get angry, you're teaching your child that there are certain problems and certain circumstances when it's okay to be angry.
Now, the best examples of modeling that I've ever seen is actually not something that in real life. It's something I saw in a commercial, in a foreign country. Now,I was watching a movie in a foreign country. I didn't understand the language, so I don't know what was said. But, here is what I saw.
The commercial was for a certain snack food and that snack food the company was trying to make it look desirable, so the first scene you see is the scene of a mother with that snack food in her hand. The teenage daughter walks in the room and tries to reach for her hand in the bag. The mother smacks her hand and says something to which I seemed like -- which I think meant like, 'Get your own' and the scene cuts now with the teenage girl with the snack food in her hand.
Her 12-year-old brother comes in the room and reaches for the bag and she smacks his hand and the same thing. Now the 12-year-old brother later on has the snack food in his hand, and the 5-year-old sister comes in the room, and reaches for the food. He smacks her hand and says, 'Get your own'.
The final scene is the 5-year-old girl with the snack food in her hand and holding her dolly. And there, she is pounding and beating up her dolly, and saying whatever they said, 'Get your own', pounding her dolly.
That's what role modeling is. When you get angry, you're teaching your child that anger is okay, it's a good thing. And anger is not a good thing. It's not a good characteristic, and it's not healthy for you, it's not healthy for your child and it's something you really have to avoid at all costs.
Again, this is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program. If you want to hear more parenting tips, please go to our website at ccparenting.com, and sign-up for our free newsletter. Have a great day.
