Guest: One of the thinks that often helps, and we used this with our daughter lastly, is that other parents of your kids peers are going through the same thing. They are experiencing the tumult, issues of rejection in the sense of what is my child doing?
So we developed a parent support group among my daughter and her friend's parents and though our friends as -- her friends hated it.
Host: Was it a parent conspiracy?
Guest: That's what they called it. We were the parent's conspiracy and the conspiracy however was very important, because some families were handling it well and others were patching it and the onces who were handling it well, gave some tips to those who were having real difficulty with it. I do believe that that sense of community around their kid's growth and development, even though our teenage girls would make fun of us, was better overall, especially for those parents who were really struggling with what to do.
So use your sibling's, your children's friends, many of whom you get to know because you have been together throughout the school and don't be afraid to have an evening sort of chat about, you know, just talk about how can we communicate better around our kid's issues, parties and other issues. Then inevitably will come up and it worked well for us and it worked well for other settings as well.
Host: So when your children have teenagers, you get even?
Guest: Getting even is definitely not the right word to use. When my children have teenagers, we will try and give them some techniques to use, as we used with our kids, I am with them. But you know what, they are going to have to experience it themselves. We will give them, we hope some guidelines, some ways to address difficult issues. They will look to us because we developed and continue to develop a very good communication with our older children and now they have young children.
Those guidelines they look for actually. Don't be shy by providing them, but don't be overly expecting, that they will follow everything you say. They are going to have to make their own mistakes and figure it out for themselves because their kids and their relation with their kids are different, than you had with your own children. It's is just the way it is. As the next cycle goes through it. But being there for your older kids, with their own kids, with their own kids it's a very important part of they are being reared as successful parents. Just like hopefully, we had with our parents. So passing that pattern along successfully is all about good parenting that continues into good grandparents.
Host: A famous psychologist once said about adolescence, when the parent who get more friendly, it is better. Is that true?
Guest: I have actually not heard that term. But there are certain elements of it that are true. Teenagers often are very paranoid about their own independence, about what they are doing. They are worrisome about their invasion into their space. They often may say the same certain things,or meaning certain things, when you are not. That's all part of the teenager's attempt to find out who they really are and to establish their own sense of identity. It's critically important that process be allowed to go through. But it isn't easy. Teenagers are a huge challenge and also doesn't sort of turn on and turn off. Some kids have milder form, some kids get it at 15, some gets it 17, some kids start early at 13. So it's important to remember that, you will know it when it's going on and just not loose your cool, as I said earlier.
Host: It's get better because they grow up to and do what they require.
Guest: It's get better because these are normal processes for the most part and the most important thing is just to keep things within balance and if you are able to that 18, 19 comes along, they go off to college or they move out of the house and then they actually do begin to relate to others as a more adult fashion and as a consequence you now get the opportunity to see them in a whole different light and they see you in a different light.
Host: Thank you very much.
Guest: Thank You.
