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Video Transcription

This is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program with another parenting tip for you. Today I want to discuss you, what I mean by that is I want to discuss you as a parent. Now many parents who have ODD children or ADHD children, and otherwise difficult children, feel very bad about themselves, feel very ineffective as parents and feel helpless in many ways. I want to dispel some of these negative feelings you might be having. Firstly, you have to understand one thing. No child comes in the world completely blank. Children come in with a certain personality traits and characteristics and certain problems and certain skills and certain abilities and the combination makes up your child. Now there are some children that are easy to raise and some children are hard to raise and general principle is ODD children, ADHD children, other children with other problems are much more difficult to raise than normal, average child without any problems at all. So you might be getting a lot of negative feelings from people around you about your child's behavior and about your inability to be an effective parent, but I would say in many cases, not most cases and maybe and probably many most cases we will say it's not fair. Because certain parents who complain about others parenting skills don't have the same tests and trials and difficult children that you have. So very very good parent who's got an ODD child, his child behavior will be much much worse than any child whose parent was not so good but has a very normal easily controlled child. I will give you a couple of examples of this. When I was in the school, children were evaluated by the school psychologist. I remember when he came out of the evaluation of my third child, he relates that to my both two children in the previous years and he said to me, my third child, he said to me, this one is much easier, isn't he? And he was. He is an easy child. My third child is a very very easy child and my first two children were very very difficult. It's not a reflection of my parenting skills. It's the way it is. My children have different basic natures. The same child once we were at a family gathering with another family, and this same child who was an easy child was playing with their child, same age child, our children correspond the same ages. He was playing with their child and they were getting kind of wild. So his father said to me that this child is is the wildest child he has. I said to him, he is my calmest child and it's true. He has very calm children and I have very very wild children. But again, you can't compare the two and you can't compare parenting skills. So one thing you have to understand as a parent is if your child is not behaving properly, if he has ODD or ADHD, it is not a reason, not to get to fix the problems. You have to get the skills you need. That means you have to get a parenting program that addresses these issues specifically. If your child is under twelve, you need a specific program for children under twelve. If he is over twelve to eighteen years old, probably there is a teenage behavior. They are not the same and the techniques are not the same and should not get a program that does them all together. But you should understand also that if you do that and you address the problems properly, you are doing your job as a parent and this is the child you have and it's not a reflection of your skills and you should feel very proud of your child and your ability as a parent. If you get your child to improve his behavior even a little bit, because it's not an easy task. You have a hard child and no one can really blame you for that. If they do, it's their problem, not your problem. Again, this is Dr. Anthony Kane from the Complete Connection Parenting Program and again you are welcome to come our website to sign up for free newsletter at ccparenting.com and you get all the parenting tips you need and help and advice you will need. Have a great day.