Host: If somebody -- because today the unfortunately age with marriages don't last forever. I think parents remember one thing, you create a child from a relationship and later what happens to that relationship, it's all came from that we hope we are very good starting at beginning in life, what action that you do to in fact feel we can survive?
Steve Shelov: We see an increasing level of the divorce and family sort of split as a result of that divorce, there is a very difficult situation for young children to be raised and very difficult. The most important thing is that the parents in out the divorce setting not make the child the point of the arguments that had precipitated the divorce.
The child needs to be kept in a place that both parents communicate to each other and the needs of the child are come first. Whatever arguments that led to the breakup, I am sure are still there, they may get a little less in time with the divorce goes on, but that doesn't allow those arguments to get played out in front of the child.
There is nothing worse than the child having to suicides or figure out which house they want to go to or not feel that one parent is engaged at all with the other or there are different signals or different communications or different rules, that creates great conflict within the child, a sense of guilt. Remember kids often feel even though you may say it's not the case, that they are responsible for the break up of the family. That's often just an unsaid statement that goes on inside the kid's feelings.
Your role as a parent is to make sure that the doesn't get promoted, it's there whether you say it or not. You need to continue remind the child, that they are not at fault. This is a mummy and daddy issue, that we love you, love you, you are our child. We want to you to be healthy and grow well and we will do everything we can for you and you had nothing to do with our following apart. It just had to do with us and not being together or not feeling the same way about each other. The more you get that message across, the less the child will feel as a ping pong ball or upon and know that the parents are still there are for them, even if they don't live together.
Host: So role is just the parent of the child may not be in the same location and trying to conduct this of the business part, that separates, but the emotional part that bond your child never simple, is that correct?
Steve Shelov: Absolutely, successful divorces are harder but just as important as successful marriages. Even if you are in different coast, we now have technologies that allows for communication beyond the telephone. The fact that kids may go shuttle from city to city which happens way too often, but does happen. That means communication has to be really good and that sense of putting your own differences aside or for the sake of child has to be the ruling sort of willing argument and their ruling credo around which parents run their divorce lives when it comes to their kids. It's a very difficult series of balances to strike, but successful divorces can allow for a successful growth of a child, bad divorces hurt children. No question about it.
