How To Write Wedding Vows

Bride with her laptop

For most people, writing wedding vows can be like pulling teeth, while for others it comes easy. Yet most will agree that it is the best way to express your personal beliefs. If you make the decision as a couple to write your own vows, do your best to make it personal and sincere. Wedding vows should represent your personality and feelings for your spouse-to-be. These steps will help get your brain flowing with ideas.

  1. Separate or individual vows. You can write the same wedding vow or personalize your own to each other. There are definitely pros and cons of each angle. Open the dialogue with your other half to determine comfort levels. Your fiancé may not share your enthusiasm for individual vows, possibly out of fear or just lack of creativity. Get to the heart of the matter before making the decision and don't put pressure on her if she is just not comfortable. Public speaking is after all one of the most nerve-wracking experiences!
  2. Get ideas. There is no harm in researching wedding vows on the Internet or via other means. It may increase your comfort with the task at hand. Just don't copy them! It is important to make wedding vows your own.
  3. Brainstorm. Think about why you fell in love with your other half and all of the wonderful things about your life together. Wedding vows should express what is unique about your spouse-to-be and your relationship. What do you love best? How does he add value to your life and how will you add it to his when married?
  4. Record your thoughts. Start by writing down your brainstormed thoughts, then move on to the vows. Recording them will help you to hear what they may really sound like at the wedding. Speaking it will make it more natural and help you to avoid awkward pauses. You can then transcribe the words and rehearse from there.
  5. Draft an outline. It's like writing a term paper. There has to be a beginning, middle and end.
    • writing wedding vowsBeginning. Start of with a salutation of some sort, whether it be "My Dearest Love," or just their name. Remember, make it natural. You will be far more comfortable. Then lead into an introduction like, "We first met," or, "When I first realized I was in love..."
    • Middle. The body of the vow could be a couple sentences or a couple paragraphs. Tell her what she means to you and how your life has been better with her in it. Describe the moment you first realized you were in love with her. Describe the meaning of marriage in your own words.
    • End. Wrap it up! End by looking to the future and your happy life together.
  6. Practice! Don't arrive on wedding day unrehearsed! This special occasion deserves time, dedication and practice. You should anticipate the duration of your vows and what your voice level should be for a large event, but don't plan to rely only on your memory. Some people just buckle under the pressure. Writing your vows on paper and reading them doesn't make them any less meaningful -- after all, you are still the author and mean every word.
  7. Show the officiant. Believe or not, you should get permission from your officiant. Since he is providing the service, the substance of your vows is also a reflection of his values. It is important that he knows what to expect. It can also help him to learn more about you as a couple.


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