How To Handle Rejection

Being turned down for a date can be a very painful or humiliating experience, but it doesn't have to be a crushing blow for your self-esteem. Virtually every man has been rejected by a woman at least once in his dating life, and that includes so-called players and pick-up artists. The bottom line is, a woman reserves the right to turn down any romantic advances, for perfectly logical reasons, illogical reasons or no reason at all. Rejection is an unfortunate reality in the dating scene, but in a way it also works to your advantage. Before a woman accepts a date with you, she may have rejected any number of other candidates. Rejection may be a painful experience at first, but it can also serve as constructive criticism to help you improve your approach the next time. Here's how to handle rejection in a more positive way and use it as an opportunity for self-improvement.

  1. She didn't reject everything about you. It's easy to personalize a rejection and apply it to all aspects of your life. In reality, this person only rejected your proposal to spend some time together on a date. You're still the same person you were two minutes before you approached her. She didn't play judge, jury and executioner to your sense of humor, your compassion, your ability to listen or any other positive quality you possess. All of those assets and qualities are still intact, and someone else may appreciate them more. Sometimes a romantic rejection happens for reasons completely out of your control, so keep it in perspective. You could say it's her loss for turning down such good boyfriend material, or you could move on to someone else who recognizes your skills.
  2. She may offer some hints for improvement, so listen up. Some women may actually give you a reason or two for their decision to reject your offer. You may not want to hear them at the time, but it could prove useful later on. She may be involved in another relationship or recovering from a painful break-up, which means rejection was most likely inevitable anyway. She may have other reasons, however, which go straight to the heart of the matter. She may feel you came on too strong, or you didn't come on strongly enough. She may have an ideal physical type in mind and you didn't meet her criteria. She may find your personality to be incompatible with hers, or you may come across as too desperate or clingy. There are dozens of reason for rejection, and many of them have more to do with the askee, not the asker. You may want to take some time for self-examination if you continue to be rejected for the same reasons.
  3. There's nothing wrong with staying out of the dating pool for a bit. Rejection can cause many men to feel depressed or unwanted for a period of time. Depression and self-esteem issues triggered by rejection can be addressed through counseling and drug treatments if necessary. Otherwise, you may just want to spend some time out of the active dating scene until you feel better about yourself. You could put your energies into a favorite hobby, rekindle some old friendships or take an more active role in a local club or organization. Many single men find themselves so dedicated to impressing the opposite sex that they lose touch with their own personal goals in life. Rejection doesn't have to lead to complete withdrawal from society. Stay active and allow better dating opportunities to present themselves naturally.
  4. Re-examine what you seek in a romantic partner. Many men are somehow conditioned to believe they need to find an exceptionally beautiful "trophy wife" in order to be happy. Others may seek out specific body types or age groups or ethnicity or other surface traits. It's true that the heart wants what it wants, but your own inflexibility or narrowed focus may be one of the reasons you face repeated rejections. Women are women, not types or demographics. You may learn a painful life lesson from repeated rejections, and that is to stop categorizing and compartmentalizing potential romantic partners. When you are realistic about yourself and what you want out of a relationship, you may not face the spectre of rejection nearly as often in the future.

Rejection is more of a blow to the ego than anything else, so try not to allow it to rule your life. Honestly speaking, many men reject women for reasons which defy logic themselves. Rejection from a woman of interest may give you some insight into what the rejection experience is like from their perspective. If you really want to avoid the pain of rejection altogether, try being more amenable to dating proposals yourself. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out on a date, but it may also take some courage to refuse a date politely. The best thing you can do is respect that person's wishes and move on with your own life.


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