How To Stop Holding Grudges

Harboring a grudge is a common occurrence.  People usually just take them lightly, since many men and women consider grudges as an innate characteristic of human nature.  A grudge forms initially by keeping records of past offenses done by another person to the offended person.  If this grudge is nurtured over a longer stretch of time, it usually develops into hatred.

If bearing grudges is common, why is it important to treat them seriously?  It’s simple.  Grudges could result in various negative effects that anyone wouldn’t want to experience.  First, it could destroy trust. Trust is never a one-snap, easy-to-build thing. Ruining trust once is tantamount to ruining it forever.  Trust can be regained, but the climb is difficult, and the capacity to trust a traitor again will vary from person to person.

Next, when you lose the trust, you destroy the relationship. It could be your relationship with your friends, or with your family members, and even with some significant people in your community. 

Lastly, it could cause violence. Many reported cases of violence arise from deeply held grudges, or, at least, results from grudges.

Nurturing a grudge, therefore, is fatal.  The whole bunch of foregoing reasons definitely justify why you shouldn’t hold grudges. Though it is hard to eliminate, there are still ways to get rid of it.  Consider these steps:

  1. Ask yourself what it is that’s making you hold grudges. This is necessary, since to know the problem is to solve the problem and for you to be able to determine whether what’s causing you to grudge is your own self-centered will.  If that’s the case, then it’s you that you must teach some moral lesson.
  2. Face the problem and solve it.  If someone has done an offense, it’s better that you confront it in a nice way to prevent the offense from being repeated.
  3. Choose to forgive. This is the last yet the most important of all.  Forgiveness is the best solution for all heartaches, brokenness, and even hatred.  Forgiveness is never easy, it is never prideful, and it’s never fair, but forgiveness is the only way to clear charges. If you want peace you must know how to forgive. Though it’s not simple, it’s necessary to truly let go of the hatred.

A lot of people, mostly those who were victims of crimes and abuses, end up being imprisoned by hate. In their hearts are the bitterness and the will to take justice into their own hands. In these cases, forgiveness is the hardest part and could be the last on their minds, but it’s never impossible to forgive no matter how big the offense is. It is just that the victims need to motivate themselves to move on and let go of the pain totally, and later on, forgiveness in their hearts will follow.

Anger is a choice.  So is a grudge.  Yet, if you try your best to avoid misunderstandings, to extend your patience a little bit further each time, and to be more accepting of people and their flaws, then you will soon realize that bearing a grudge is something that should not be borne at all.


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