How To Tell When She's Faking an Orgasm

And How to Make Sure It Never Happens to YOU

Couple making out
Ah. Another glorious Saturday night and you’re in the mood. So instead of old Saturday Night Live reruns, you look at her, she looks at you and the clothes go flying. Oh yeah, my friend, you’re getting some tonight. A little smooching here, a little feel up there and then the fun really begins. You’re gonna make her see stars. So you work your magic, all parts of your body bringing her to the edge of ecstasy and then pushing her right off. She’s gasping and moaning. Toes curling and hair straightening. And with one big squeal, she collapses into a puddle of contentment. That’s right, you big stud, you took care of your woman, but good. OR SO YOU THINK.

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Has your woman gotten the big “O” from your expert movin’ and groovin’ or is she a better faker than Meg Ryan’s character in “When Harry Met Sally?”

Here’s how to tell if your woman is faking it and what to do to MAKE SURE she NEVER fakes it with you.

  1. Arm Yourself with the Facts: Why DO Women Fake It?

    Well, for starters, here’s something that you and your lady friend may not know.

    • About 2/3 of all women HAVE NOT had an orgasm while actually having sex.
    • Most women find it easiest to reach climax when having their man perform oral sex on them. It’s a matter of geography. We women have a very sensitive little area known as the clitoris. In fact, that cute little pink part’s ONLY job is to bring us pleasure.

    So, if you’re not spending any time giving your lady some serious oral loving, then there’s a good chance she knows she’s not going to climax and wants to spare your feelings. That and the fact that she may think there’s something wrong with her. She may even feel “pressure to come.” Hey, I didn’t say it was right, I’m just stating the facts.

    • Another reason why she may fake the “O” is because she may have her own head in the way. For women, our minds are the biggest sex organ. So if she’s having a crappy day or is mad at you or feels insecure about the size of her butt, it could get in the way of letting go and letting “O”.
    • But the number one reason most women fake orgasms is because their man isn’t quite doing it for them and they take the easy way out. Instead of having the scary conversation about how to float their boat, they just think, “Oh well, no “O” for me.”

    Women DON’T want to hurt your feelings OR your ego, and the easiest way out of that situation is to lie about it and say, “Yeah, the earth moved for me too.”

    Stupid? Yes. But acceptable? NO.

    So, here’s what you need to know about a woman’s orgasm.

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  3. Know What to Look For. There are some tell tale signs that occur before a woman is about to climax.

    Keep an eye for some of these physical changes in a woman’s body and they will let you know that your lady is close or is actually climaxing:

    • Her muscles will start to tense up and her heart rate will increase.
    • Her skin will flush and get warmer to the touch.
    • Her nipples will become erect.
    • Her clitoris and labia (the lips covering her vagina) will begin to swell and lubrication increases.
    • Then the clitoris will begin to shorten and the labia color will deepen…
    • And then her muscles will continue to tense up and then contract, sometimes spasming.

    A woman’s orgasm can be short or long, big or small, one or several. It varies for each woman. And what worked for one girlfriend in the past may not work on the one in your bed right now.

    Women are like snowflakes, no two “kitties” are alike, if you know what I mean.

    But a word to the wise: While some of these signs may be obvious in most women, they are not always 100% law.

    So, you ask, what’s the absolute best way to find out whether or not you’re really rocking her world?

  4. Make SURE She Doesn’t Need To Fake an Orgasm!
    • The best way is with your mouth… and I’m not JUST talking oral sex (well, that’s the second best way…)
    • You need to actually ask her if what you’re doing is turning her on. The best lovers out there are not afraid to ask a woman what she likes… Does this feel good? Right HERE or higher? Do you like when I touch you like THIS? Do you like this faster? You know, that type of thing.
    • It’s called building Sexual Trust. Let her know that you actually CARE if she’s pleasured, but that you’re not PRESSURING her to climax.
    • You might also want to check out other dating advice and tips from leading dating blogs.

Chances are, if a woman has been faking it, it’s because she’s too embarrassed to ask for what she wants, thinks it will take too long (as the average woman takes about 20 minutes to achieve orgasm) or because she’s afraid your ego is going to be hurt if she doesn’t “hurry up and come.”

So take control of the situation and ask her what she likes. Work as a team. Good lovers can ask a woman if she climaxes easily through intercourse or prefers oral sex. And a great lover will work WITH her to learn how her body operates, PLUS keep an eye out for subtle cues like the change in her breathing, her muscles tightening, if she seems to really like what you’re doing…

(And here’s a hint: if she likes what you’re doing, KEEP DOING IT. Don’t stop, as we work well on momentum.)

Conversations about sex may seem uncomfortable and embarrassing, but once you have them, then you’re done and you won’t be uncomfortable again. Plus you’ll score big points for asking her what she desires. We women love that. You’ll end up having better sex because you were smart enough to put her needs first. And that might just give her the big “O” by itself.

Lora Somoza is a sex advice columnist and has written a book on better sex. Both can be found at

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Another excellent article! I've come to the conclusion that we, meaning men, really need to get over ourselves sometimes...and not be in such a rush. I have been in situations where the first time didn't go off quite as I envisioned it in my head. After this happened a few times, I had a revelation come to me: why not just ask? SO I tried that approach, and all I can say is: things changed for the better. If things weren't going as smooth as I wanted, I would simply ask her, "what do you like?" Once I knew that little tidbit of information, the juices started flowing! A lot of men, I imagine, are too proud to ask what a woman likes in bed. All I can say to them is to get over worked for me!

By Patrick Smith