How To Write to Others on a Dating Site

You have finally done it. You've taken the courageous step of putting yourself on an online dating website. Even better than that, you are getting responses! What you write to each of your potential dates is just as important as setting up your dating profile.   

  1. Great Grammar: You do not have to be an English teacher to get a great date. However, you do need to write in a way that makes you appear composed and educated. The best way to ensure that all your messages have great grammar and spelling is to read through them before sending them. There are also many great programs available that catch spelling and grammatical errors; if you compose your responses in Word before sending a message, just run the spell-check tool.
  2. Avoid Internet Slang: Writing on the internet is supposed to be casual. There is nothing wrong with writing a casual letter to your potential date. The only thing you want to avoid is sounding like a teenager who instant messages her friends hours a day. Cut back on overused internet phrases such as "lol," "brb" and shortening words to numbers or to a misspelled version. Another example of using internet slang would be, "Ey, Whaddup? I wud lov 2 go wit u Fri to da restaurant on Elm." You do not have to use a proper business voice, but use a regular voice that you would use when meeting anyone for the first time.
  3. Ask Questions: Show an interest in the person you are messaging. Do not make it all about you; ask questions. Now before you type up a list of questions that will take your potential date hours to answer, you have to know the question boundary line. Start off by asking general, open-ended questions. You want the other person to feel like your message is part of a conversation, not an interrogation. Avoid questions of physical intimacy, money and other sensitive topics. You do not want your potential date to run because of the perception that you are one of the following:
    • Obsessed with physical love.
    • Trying to steal the person's identity.
    • A desperate stalker.
    • All of the above.

    Before you ask any question, ask yourself, "Would I be uncomfortable asking this question to the person's face?" If the answer is yes, pick a different question. Expect to receive questions in return. If the person messages you back with extremely personal questions, it could mean two things.

    • They did not read this article.
    • They have bad motives for dating you.


  4. Be You: Writing to potential dates should be fun. Do not be afraid to flirt a little or to enjoy yourself while talking to someone. Do not over-flirt by using dirty talk or pictures. Also messaging them more than once a day without a response might convey desperation. Flirt with the person as if you were going into the ocean; get your feet wet and move in slowly until you get comfortable. Write honestly and true to your character. If your potential date writes of things you do not like or agree with, share your opinions in a tactful way. You want the person to be able to recognize you offline as well as online.

The main idea of writing to others on a dating site is to impress them and enjoy yourself. You cannot impress someone if you have poor communication skills. What is so great about writing responses through an online dating site is that you can think about your messages and even spell-check them. Put your best message forward and you will be sure to get a date in no time. 


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